Cutting off my hair (and other mistakes of impatience)

I can be such a ridiculously impatient person. Patience is that ever-illusive virtue that would lower my blood pressure and calm my flighty temper--and I've got little tiny patience muscles that need to be worked out more often. I mostly lack patience with things that take a long time (you know, like weeks or months, goodness gracious). This has put my hair and me on rocky terms, being such a slow-growing substance and all. Never contented with it and always "waiting on" it, I've teased it, sprayed it, dyed it, cut it, grown it, curled it, straightened it--and basically any other action you can do with your hair. Most of the time, after a cut, dye, curl or straighten, I realize I could have just waited just a bit longer and it would have sorted itself out eventually.

I feel like my hair is the perfect (well, most obvious and sometimes embarrassing) example of my impatience. I mean, how many hair colors can one girl have? (I'm not going to tell you, because that would just be revealing too much...) I feel like my itty-bitty patience muscles are getting a tough workout right now leaving my hair its natural-ish color and letting it grow. Trust me when I say, this has been a long-time struggle, too. I was reminded of just how long the other day, when I remembered one of my first hair gaffs.

I used to have full, thick bangs--in keeping with the 90's style of the day. Lucky for me, they're back in style in a major way.

me & m' best buds growing up (I'm on the far left--note the full bangs, and Kate's bang-less-ness)

On one of these 90's days that lives in my memory, I was in the bathroom, dolefully contemplating my distinctly little girl bangs. I wanted a new haircut, like my friend Katie, complete with the big-girl distinction of no bangs. I don't know how old I was--old enough to remember, and young enough to apparently lack that inhibition part of my brain that psychologists are always talking about. I found myself a pair of scissors, and intrepedly took care of the problem. If I didn't want bangs, well, I'd just cut them off. And cut them off I did.

I asked my mom the other day if she had any pictures of what ensued. She laughed and said, "If I did I would have had to take them in your sleep. You knew how you looked." And I'm sure you can imagine. Let's suffice it to say I missed my good old bangs when I saw my forehead of short, spikey blonde hair, and I had to wait quite a bit longer for my new no-bangs look.

Ah, the silly, repeated metaphors of my life. I was reminded of this mistake of impatience the other day when I was bemoaning winter, gloom, school, full-time work, and really life. I was (and am) impatient for change, newness, freshness--all those things that keep me engaged and inspired in life. Jason, my ever-present counterbalance, gently reminded me, "Hey, don't cut off the time we've got now. It's a good time, in its own way."

Oh.

How often do I make this mistake? I chop off the time I have now by not appreciating it and not making it beautiful--I let my impatience and discontent turn my perfectly good time into stunted, hurried, marred time. This may be a waiting time, and I may be yearning for a new town, a new home, a new school, and new adventures--but that doesn't make this time any less beautiful or any less perfect. I find we live the majority our lives in the anterooms of adventure, and though those "crowded hours of glorious life" entice us and pull us toward them relentlessly, living happens in those quiet days and years in between. I don't want to miss this--here and now. Moments like this:

 a winter walk with my love

 baby girl reaching for my camera.

 just chilling at the coffee shop.

 little sister turning sweet, beautiful 16.

and simple, sweet family time.

So I'm just going to enjoy it. Waiting and all. Because it really is beautiful and perfect, in its own way.

...and a happy new year.

This blog post has a label, like all my blog posts. I love labeling anything, really. My notebooks, my computer files, my desk folders. Neatly organized, tucked into place. So, the label of this post? Honestly. Because I'm going to get honest here for a bit.

I've been catapulted over the last few months from the quiet, laid-back, sunny days of summer into my typical fall and winter: whirlwind, behind schedule, can't-keep-up-with-myself. Some things just fall by the wayside when I run head-on into the school year (because when you both go to school and work at a school, fall and winter tend to be the craziest time of year). Things that fall by the wayside include but are not limited to reading, calling people, taking vitamins, eating three meals a day, social life, nail-painting, dish-washing, and of course, blogging.

via etsy, ex libris journals.

There are benefits to working at school, however. For instance, I have had more than a week off now, because of winter break and school closure for the winter holidays--I mean really, who gets that at their job? A week off for Christmas and New Year's? Yes, please. Naturally, I had lofty goals for my week off--read Americans in Paris, edit pictures, blog, clean my house, transition my house decorations from Christmas to winter-themed, and catch up on sleep. And yet, here I am, on Monday, January 2nd, 2012. My vacation from work is hours from ending, and my vacation from school is a week away from its demise. And really, all I've done with myself over my vacation is be incredibly lazy. I haven't even painted my nails.

I'm actually quite frustrated with myself. I had so much time to do what I wanted! So few demands on my attention, so much freedom! And I can firmly tell you I squandered it. This is not to suggest that I didn't enjoy this week--I did, and thoroughly--but I have nothing to show for it, and I know I would have enjoyed it so much more if I would have done the things I love rather than sleep till 11:00 and laze around most of the day in my PJs. I wish I had baked more, relished a work out or two, written a little, read a lot, caught up with more friends--and in general, I wish I had done what I love. Admittedly, I had my yearly Cold To End All Colds--and I'm still hacking up a lung every once in awhile, which I suppose is the heartless Cold's reminder that it conquered me soundly, and not to get any ideas about letting down my Airborne guard.

At any rate, I'm ready to jump into the New Year at this point, and I guess my feeling of a somewhat squandered week have me all the more jazzed to redeem my time in 2012. It's day 2 of a new beginning, and I have to admit to a complete excitement about our plans, ideas and dreams for the next year and beyond. It's such a contrast from this summer, when I didn't know where I was headed, and felt a little goalless. Right now, I'm plowing full-steam ahead into unchartered waters, and bubbling over with excitement about it. Hubby and I have been gleefully looking at apartments downtown, and I've been daydreaming about political philosophy and creative writing classes. These plans of ours, as they fall seamlessly into place, remind me constantly that God's story for me is one I could never have written on my own, and so much better than the feeble attempts I've made at controlling my future. Of course, this reminds me that these "plans of ours" aren't our plans at all. Thank the Lord.

So, with that, I've been thinking about my New Year's resolutions. To me, a resolution is a way of branding a new year--a way of getting your brain and heart in line with God's, and giving yourself goals, ambitions and vision. We all need new beginnings--why else would we make New Year's day a dedicated day of reminiscence and looking toward the future? I've always steered clear of any resolutions, because they're just begging to be broken. But this year... I think I know what I've learned, and what that means for 2012.

1. I've learned that it's okay to be quiet, contemplative, even lonely. Just so long as there's fruit and growth out of the quietness, contemplation and loneliness. So I've resolved to spend some time in solitude, and to spend my solitude with Him.

2. I've learned that the key to being content in a situation is to invest in a situation. We moved into a house that I couldn't imagine loving, in all its neediness and overwhelming price tag. And yet, with a little time and love invested, I can hardly imagine leaving it now (even though I am, shortly). I've resolved to invest more, to love more, to care more--thereby finding more contentment.

3. I've learned that using scarce, precious free time on things that may seem like work--cleaning my house, doing homework, being creative, even painting my nails or shaving my legs--brings satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment that can't be beaten. So I've resolved to be more selective with how I spend the currency of my time. None wasted and gone forever.

4. I've learned that people do what you expect them to do, and situations always feel just as bad as you decide they are. Because of this, I've resolved to see the best in people more often, to make the best of situations, and to be the best I can be. 2012, get ready to meet my new friend, Optimism.

5. I've learned I love beauty. That means I've resolved to spend more time making things beautiful.

6. I've learned (the hard way) that open honesty is the only way to grow a relationship--any relationship. I've resolved to be more open, more honest, more forthright, more giving of myself, and less scared of vulnerability.

7. I've learned that Jesus is the solution to all of my questions. I've resolved to spend more time letting Him answer them.

I've learned. Like I do every year. I've learned a lot. From learning the trivial (like knitting isn't a bad way to fall asleep at night), to learning the monumental (like change is good, and healthy, and necessary, and basically God's plan for the rest of my life), I've grown and stretched. I bear the marks of 2011, and they include the surgical scars of Jesus whittling away my inadequacies along with plenty of smile lines around my lips from joy and gleeful laughs. So here's to another year of learning, stretching, growing, changing, and moving forward.
Here's to 2012. 

Christmas Traditions

One of my favorite Christmas traditions?

CHRISTMAS CARDS. 

It gets me feeling so Christmas-y to write a few personal notes to people we love, address some pretty envelopes and put a holiday stamp on them. 

I didn't realize how much I loved traditions until I left home. I found myself demanding that my Mom carry on some of those traditions I didn't know I was even attached to--new pajamas on Christmas Eve, cereal for breakfast on Christmas, watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas wrapped in a cozy blanket. This year I'm just tickled pink to carry on old traditions and make new ones with my hubby. 

one frame: Los Angeles

Home

Nothing quite like travelling to convince you how much you love being home, is there?

 downtown date night. simple, quiet, the best.

 easiest center piece ever - just add pumpkins.

Lucky me - berries grow on my bushes outside, and they're the perfect fall centerpiece. 

Hubby and I have been home for three straight weeks together, wonder of wonders. In fact, I think it's the first time it has happened since we've been married. It's different. Quieter. Contented. Home. We have taken advantage of being together - breakfast & coffee in bed, lunchtimes in the park, indian-style dinner on pillows and blankets at home, house projects, the works. I don't know if I'll ever feel like I have enough time to spend with that guy, he's just that deliciously fun.

The weather is nippy, which makes me all the more attached to home, and makes getting out of my cozy bed every morning so much harder. I love the feeling of this season, though, like everything is slowing down, like the earth is starting to fall asleep.

if I owned the zoo

What a fun fall it has been! If there's any one thing I could use to prove how much I love fall it would be the five (I repeat, five) albums filled with hundreds of pictures on my computer with the word "fall" in the titles. How couldn't you love this time of year?

On Friday we took little Miss Megan on her first zoo trip ever! You know that Dr. Seuss book, If I Owned the Zoo? Well, I think if I owned the zoo, I'd bring Megan there every day, just to watch her giggle, or to hear her say "wowwww" with her little pink baby lips, or to see her point with her teeny-tiny fingers.

It's been amazing to be simultaneously taking Developmental Psychology and watching my little niece grow. Watching her learn and understand and realize the world around her is absolutely breathtaking. 

In other news, Saturday is our first (I hope of many!) Harvest/Halloween party. I just can't wait! Of course, the obsessive hostess in me is coming out, and I've been spending a ridiculous amount of my free time on Pinterest this week, pinning away ideas that I'll probably never use - but it's getting in the mood that counts! 

Jason has been home all this week and part of last week, so of course I've been a little absent from the blog - spending time with him! I hope I'll have plenty of fodder in the form of pictures, stories and recipes for the blog after he goes back to his travel schedule, though.

Happy fall, everyone!